Opps, no picture again^^ haha... However, it keeps me wondering if I'm still putting my picture in this blog. I don't have a face to show to you all. Well, at least at this time I'm in total dissatisfaction on myself and I need someone to help me out. Maybe pulling my self esteem up or something would really help. You can do that for me but in this case I think I'm already used to it and I need to get used to it. One month from now I'm already entering college life, I'm not expecting anything in it and guess you should know, I haven't received any call and I'm sorry, that's the only thing I can say to my parents for I failed them. I wonder what could be worse and I'm sure that there is!
Yesterday, my mom arrived with my younger brother and sister, they were bringing with them their new uniforms and school supplies. I'm a bit jealous for I know that I won't have any new for this time. I need to adjust for from now on I'm going to be a burden in this family, I envy those who don't have any financial problems where they can go in any school that they want without thinking about how would their life go on. Well, if I would meet a person like that and probably I've met a lot of persons like that already I just can't tell if they really are, I would probably... I will say nothing! but deep in my mind I wanna say them 'do the best of their best'.
I feel that I've wasted a lot of time and money, It can't be brought back and from now on I need to face the future and do my best starting today. My classmates are already having their courses and some even went to scholarships offered by many institutions who don't want to pay large taxes to the government, In this case I am left behind. I feel like seeing myself at this time inside a tunnel and at very large distant I saw my classmates with their very small shadows covering the small light from the edge of the tunnel, the edge and the end of the tunnel. My dimmed future is very different and I need a lightning to energize me and go on through this challenge. However, even if I didn't ask for this lightning... It keeps hitting me more than 3 times a day. Showing me the cruel reality of life. Before, I'm a kind of person who really doesn't like to be left behind. But now all of these attitudes were lost and I'm seeing my self as 90% different from before. I'm afraid that I would lost my pride at some time.
Last night I've dreamed of something stupid but it keeps rushing into my mind over and over again[untill this time]. I really hate it! Well, my dream is I was on a ship and yes I'm the captain of my own ship! Although it's already impossible and nothing can change my stupid history of taking college scholarships, the truth is I'm still dreaming of it, my dream of touring around the world and going through Europe and America is about to happen then a sudden call changed it, I lost it!
0 comments:
Post a Comment