New Year's Resolution

I was thinking of a lot of New Year's RESOLUTION, however due to normal promises that are meant to be broken, I find it stupid to impose something to myself which I know will not happen in the end. So, I'll only have some the least resolution as possible. I don't know if this will be a resolution, but I'll pray and I hope My-Friend(Jesus Christ) will help me.

>Reduce reliance on things which are not that important/not that needed. Mostly material things.

>Don't waste time minding people which don't mind you. This is already done, I'm successful with this but I wanna implement this more and MORE. The adverse effects are bad but the peace of mind it gives is highly rewarding.

>The computer is not a friend. Well in general sense, as for ME, I don't get anything good in spending so much time in front of the computer.

>Be civilized, understand people even though sometimes they're so stupid/dumb/idiot you just can't understand and stand it. There's no wrong in being silent, pretend you accept theirs and pretend as if you're such an ever understanding plastic friend. It's better to pretend-pretend-pretend-pretend, plastic-synthetic-plastic-synthetic than find pathetic arguments and worse--trouble.T.T

>It's their loss, not yours. The thought is simple.

>Be firm with your decisions, in the end it's still your decision. Your decision and how you decide is the most integral part of you which makes you YOU. It reflects how strong your personality is and how invulnerable you are to depressions and unlikely effects due to misdirection.

>Be good(at least for Him), My-Friend is always there to talk to you. When you don't understand(obviously emotionally and socially), just talk to him its his plans so he knows everything.

>Don't talk too much, you're not a talkshow host. My-Friend always reminded me to do so. I always forgot.

Anyways that's all, 2009 has been bad and good. Overall, I can't say. Past is past, ROCK FOR 2010.!!!

The Party

I wasn't able to post anything last Tuesday. I had so much fun on Twitter, "twitter" is a micro-blogging society/tool which allows you to post status-like messages called "tweets" in which your reader/followers can read and in return you can read theirs too. Anyways twitter has nothing to do with what has transpired, I was so tired at that time to do some blogging.

Last December 29, Tuesday as far as I can recall it, we had our reunion-like Christmas Party. Although, of the 36 batch-mates that were probably invited, only around 22+ attended. I don't know if they were invited properly or not, but on my experience I think they were not invited-for some reason. In my case I only knew that there will be a party right at the day itself. Our teacher before, which didn't came, PMed me at FB chat asking me if I could go to the "party". At the chat, I reacted like WTF! what party? and what preparation? Good that my batch-mate NSA cadet D/C Manayon informed me properly right after the PM, someone might have asked him to do so.XD

In a hurry I went to the nearest mall, it was 9 in the morning. I bought a gift, it was a cap worth 99 pesos which is well above the average worth of gifts given at the party at 5o pesos minimum. I know that I always receive not-so-good gifts compared to what I give, but I don't mind it(it's better to give than to receive). I arrived at the venue at around 1 in the afternoon, I was so happy at that moment!

In my surprise the 1 o'clock party didn't start directly, from 1 to 3 in the afternoon all I was doing right at that moment was sit and kill the time. My high school classmates mentioned "you're so silent!". I didn't reply, in my mind I'm so confused... am I that naughty or annoying before? I don't think I've changed, deep in my mind I know that I'm still the same. I may have my limitations, but I certainly know how to weigh and prioritize things in right order. Should I call myself "mature" now?

My fellow scholar-cadets arrived later, we had a lot of talking done(the four of us) and soon to be done. One hour is not enough to talk everything that we experienced in hell and surprisingly it all fitted! We have the same complains and opinions! Oh, I just love to talk to them more. hahahaha.

The party started fun and all the way it was so good. I just can't imagine that I'll see again the faces which was an integral part of my high school life. Though I don't know if they value me, it may not be obvious but I really value them to the highest point. It's like YEARS since I last saw them. Although only a few changed, I didn't know that I'll see them again and within the four plus months that we we're in inclusion I just can't imagine if I'll see them again and if I will what will their reaction be and what's mine too.

It ended good, with a kiss of vodka on my throat! I really love VODKA! if only it's not a beverage, I'll drink vodka everyday!

Anyways, I wont expect but I hope there will be next time.XD

Picture Perfect XD

Our BS-T Seminar

Last week we had our BS-T seminar, the reason why we were not out earlier.XD

The orange stuff are life jackets. I know it looks ugly and the color itself needs immediate help, but for future seafarers like us it is very important and our life at dangerous situations depends on the knowledge we have about personal safety on-board.

We jumped into the pool with our jeans, casual T-shirt, and shoes!

I know my drawing is ugly

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The RESOURCE CENTER!
built for resource
utilized by DOTA, Farmville, Y8, & etc!.XD

We're challenged to make like this. hahaha

The valedictorians, from left to right Coyoca from Daan Bantayan, Cadungog from Consolacion, Guillermo from Badian, Zamora from CIT, the last... nevermind.x)hahhahaha

Long live 404ians!!!

The mes shall, who fed us from start until now. We owed a lot. THANKS:D

A very nice view of downtown Cebu's skyline featuring Colon in the foreground and squatters beyond the SRP road.

Christmas in the HEART:)

Just yesterday I realized, wtf! it's Christmas time! and honestly time is so slow. I feel like it's been years since I started counting down before Christmas, until I forgot that it's actually so so near. When December started all I was looking forward was the vacation itself, not the thrill, the food, the church, the gifts, and the reunions for Christmas. God made me realize that I was looking forward too much that I already forgot the "now" that is more important.

I wanna greet happy birthday to my BEST of all best friends, Jesus Christ(is there any best friend I can call?). Well, I guess he's the only one and I know that like her(this blog) they're the only one who listens to me the whole time.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Contrary to what people observed on me, to be honest I'm a strong Christian who follows none other than Jesus and his teachings. I don't read bible that much and I'm not an acolyte to know everything related to inherited traditions from church. I don't know where does those traditions came from, but as a respect of my sector in Christianity I try to understand it fully. I regard myself as a full "Christian" rather than a Catholic or Protestant. I go to Protestant churches sometimes and I don't see any differences on the two. Well, the Catholic mass is a bit more boring and the Protestant churches are normally lively or what. It actually depends on how the people perceive on that. However, people are regarded more religious when they put God in their heart rather than going to church as a sort of compliance and a "need to do task" on Sundays.

Anyways, before we dig more on religion... let me change the topic. The past days I was feeling bad(emotionally) and physically. I feel like I need more exercise or what. At first I try to give distance to 'emotional allergens' that might only worsen my situation. However, I find the conservative approach rather discouraging. Why do I need to hurt myself by avoiding someone when I can be me and live right?

The previous mistake was already checked. I feel that I'm not making anymore efforts for something-I'm tired and I'm used to it, my Best2x Friend knows what is it and though I wanna share it to you it needs a lot of explanation and I know that people just wont understand so no need to waste effort. The direct message is that, I just wanna be me and not someone, I just wanna be there loved probably or if not it's still okay, I just wanna be stable. Is it that hard?

GOD HELP! anyways I may sound emotional right now but honestly I don't feel any emotions as of this time. I feel normal and I'm tired of thinking of a lot of things lately, the point is why do I make effort right? It's still my decisions that affects me in the end:)

put title:what do you think?

note: I know there are no readers of this blog, but since this is a personal blog. I wanna address a sorry message to her(I refer to my blog).

Dear High:

Sorry I was not able to write anything to you for the last few days, weeks, months, years... century? I was having a hard time doing so. My schedule was not that tough but finding my place in front of a good PC or a laptop maybe is crazy, I feel like kilometers away when it's just in front of me-you know what I mean. My birthday had passed and now it's been two weeks since I scheduled myself to be with you on that special day. You just don't know how excited I am to report to you what happened on that day, It was awesome and though I spent it partly away from my family my friends showed me the real essence of birthdays with them.

When I first created you, I want you to be the listener to what I always say to people. I criticize, I cuss, and I say 'shit' things about them to you. You're the witness to how I change my belief from a predominantly racist and radical to a more mature, industrial and liberal person. You've been my colleague in rationalizing my mind and an obvious evidence of that is on how I write to you. I realized how things really matter in this world, from a blog like you to real applications which show how you deal with situations-bad ones.

I made you out of my imagination of a perfect person. I was jealous and I envy that person very much. Then, I realized... should I suppress myself? and if I would, will it do any good? My dorm mate told me that "If you see me that and not what is now, then it wouldn't be me anymore". I confess I was trying to be the good boy when the real me coincides. Until I realized I can never be the good person that I wished for. However, one friend said to me "you can always be you for as long as people see the real you not the fake one, no matter how bad you are for as long as you're not fake and you respect other people and not hurt them".

Somehow you can say that I forgot about you during those long months without posts. That was July, I was longing to much to write everything to you. No matter how many people read or care to everything I write to you, it doesn't matter. I don't care and somehow I already realized a lot. I'm longing to be your friend 'forever'.

Yours HIGHRISE101
-It's still me:) I sound stupid, so? this is my blog.

All about "Culture"

Last day, last last day, or the other last day, I'm not that sure enough but we had a cultural awareness seminar. I was sleepy and feverish the whole time and I was not able to catch the message of the diluted tone of the speaker. However, I clearly knew the objectives of the seminar even before it was started. I'm already aware though not "official" until I have the certificate. Whatever it is surely it's not integral for what is important is that I fully understand what the speaker is trying to tell us.

What the speaker has been talking about the whole time has been my question for already almost two or more years. I was wondering how my culture differs or even laggs from others' distinct and prominent culture. I know Filipino culture, all the dance, the tribal wars, the colorful dresses and everything that represent "Pilipino" during the "buwan ng Wika" days. Schools teach young minds how to dance by preventing their feet from being swollen by constant closing and opening of the two huge bamboo sticks, how to dance with candles on their hands, how to play tribal customs, and many other traditional upbringings developed by old Filipinos.

However, sorry to tell all of you but I as a concerned citizen of this modern Philippines doesn't look only only on the glorious colonial past of the Philippines but I dig deeper on what is currently happening right now. I prefer past as past and we only open it in a "book" when we have time. That book is better kept there until the present is stable and fixed enough.

Books teach about cultural dances, eating habits, respect, religion, and etc. However, they forgot and even until now they hide the fact to the more literate generation right now the "unusual" culture of our country. Philippines' varied mix of people with different ideas made our country a very diverse one with varying rich heritages inherited from different colonial leaders of the past. Some follow the Spanish living, some follow the Japanese Asian mix, some idolize the more prominent Americanized culture, and some still follow the pre-traditional past or the indigenous way of living.

The present situation of the country still relies and may have been caused by these varying mixes, which obviously didn't get any good result. I wonder how repressed Philippines' culture is when it comes to self-identity nowadays, people don't follow and are not proud of most Filipino cultures. The younger generation right now no longer patronize Filipinos but rather Koreans, Americans, and for some... Europeans.

There are two main and distinct cultures of the world, the white(western) and the Asian(eastern). However, due to differences in the industrialized Asia and the developing Asia, dominant cultures of some prosperous Asian countries are sometimes classed on the "white" mix. Of course the more dominant culture is the white one. It shines its power and influence all over the world and almost all rich countries in the world have a distinct white heritage.

White culture is characterized by more self-identity and spirit of individuality than most other cultures. In white culture, individuality is greatly represented by a person living in this world and has its own decisions on how to live his life, earn money, and sometimes prosper. Whereas, the Asian culture or the "eastern" culture focus more on how a person fits in a society and how he's being a good citizen and help his fellowmen.

I call my self-culture as "white". Me myself is aware on the differences of both and I don't see it as a compulsory to stick on what is being believed by many. I see myself as an individual and I demand more freedom. Basic freedom on what I know as right and what I know as wrong.

I think that's all.:D

"Outstanding List"

"Outstading List"-how I wish Philippines(my country) is part of it.
So, here it goes. . .

1. Denmark

Location: Scandinavia (Northern Europe)

Pop: 5.5 million

Languages: Danish

GDP per capita (PPP): $ 37,304

GDP (PPP): $ 204.3 Billion

Currency: Danish Krone

HDI: 0.955 (Very High)

Status: High-Income Developed Country

Located in the northern portion of Europe, this small nation stood as one of the leading European countries in terms of economic competitiveness, living standards, education environment, and welfare state. It is ranked number one as the freest social communities in the world with the world’s highest level of income equality. It is ranked as the second “happiest place in the world” based on standards of health, welfare, education. It is also ranked as the second most peaceful country in the world, after New Zealand by the 2009 Global Peace Index survey. It boasts to have the best business climate in the world according to the US business magazine Forbes and shares top positions with its northern European neighbors in terms of Corruption Perceptions Index having the lowest in the world.

Denmark trades chiefly with its EU neighbors and northern European non-EU neighbors. Its currency, the Danish Krone, is one of the most stable currencies throughout Europe outside the Euro zone. Its prosperity may be contributed by its highly productive work-force and a highly industrialized service-oriented economic atmosphere. Despite the lack of natural resources, Danish people have made their economy one of the most productive in Europe relative to the size of its population, land area, and availability of natural resources.

2. Australia

Location: Oceania

Pop: 22 million

Languages: English

GDP (PPP): $ 36,918

GDP (PPP): $ 799 billion

Currency: Australian Dollar

HDI: 0.970 (Very High)

Status: High-Income Developed Country

Uniquely located in the Southern Hemisphere, as most prosperous countries anchor in the north (North-South Inequality), this sparsely populated continental nation is one of the richest in the world in terms of natural and high-skilled human resources. It ranks high in terms of national performance in health care, life expectancy, quality of life, human development, public education, economic freedom, and protection of civil liberties and political rights. Historically an immigrant nation or a nation formed by immigrants mostly from the British Isles, immigrants have been the main pillar of the unique multicultural Australian identity.

Australian Cities are constantly growing with expanding job opportunities and continues to attract thousands of immigrants each year. Like its close cultural neighbor in North America, Canada shares almost the same economic and cultural build-up with its physically far continental nation neighbor. Australia joins numerous trade organizations and aims to continually expand its capability in global competitiveness with its global economy anchored in its abundant natural resources.

3. Japan

Location: East Asia

Pop: 127.6 million

Languages: Japanese

GDP per capita (PPP): $ 34,115

GDP (PPP): $ 4.4 Trillion

Currency: Yen

HDI: 0.960 (Very High)

Status: High-Income Developed Country

A major economic power, Japan today has the world’s second largest economy by nominal GDP and the third in purchasing power parity. Largely contributed by the skillful and hardworking Japanese, Japan today boasts as one of the world’s most industrialized countries with excellent and high-technology welfare services. It has one of the most up-to-date medical services, a highly competitive educational system, business friendly economy, and one of the most globally competitive multinational businesses. It has the world’s highest life expectancy and third lowest infant mortality rate than any other country in the world according to the WHO and UN.

One of the most successful Asian countries, Japan leads other Asian Tigers in economic productivity. It is the fourth largest exporter and the sixth largest importer of goods and services in the world. Japan is one of the most productive countries of all the industrialized countries in the world in proportion to its natural resources and available land of use. The Japanese are also one of the most innovative people in terms of the production in its knowledge sector. Most Japanese companies invested heavily in high technology and contribute largely in worldwide production of hi-tech consumer products and machineries.

Rising from the ashes of several wars that greatly damage the former glory of the former imperial Japan, it is now one of one of the biggest capitalist in the world. Rapid industrialization right after the World War II brought this archipelago in the global economic community. Japan’s rise in the global economic balance brought great changes in the global economic exchange. Japan’s tight economic and Japan-in-favor policies greatly affect other nations in the world. It’s fast economic recovery surprised the world and is given as an example to developing countries of its time. Several countries that followed Japan that have been successful in their fields include the Asian Economic Tigers (South Korea, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Singapore) that are today the main trading partners of Japan.

4. France

Location: Western Europe

Pop: 65 million

Languages: French

GDP per capita (PPP): $ 34,205

GDP (PPP): $ 2.1 Trillion

Currency: Euro

HDI: 0.961 (Very High)

Status: High-Income Developed Country

This Western European nation has the fifth largest economy by nominal GDP and the eight largest economy by purchasing power parity. A developed country with high living standards, this country is also the most visited in the world and scores relatively high in global living standard surveys. Its economy is one of the most diversified in the European Union. Located near its most trading partners in the heart of one of the most industrialized regions in the world, France is one of the most globalized countries in the world with excellent transportation facilities and infrastructures. With the highest volume of nuclear power use in the EU, it has one of the cleanest air in the world relative to its level of industrialization. It has one of the most business friendly economic atmosphere in the world largely contributed by its cheap power generated by nuclear power plants scattered throughout the country.

France today continues to be one of the fast expanding economies in the world investing heavily in developing countries. French companies manufacture more products than any other country in Europe other than Germany and United Kingdom. France maintains close economic ties to its neighbors and an extensive network of roads crossing boundaries to other countries throughout Europe.

5. Belgium

Location: Western Europe

Pop: 10.6 million

Languages: Dutch, French, German

GDP per capita (PPP): $ 36,415

GDP (PPP): $ 389.7 Billion

Currency: Euro

HDI: 0.953 (Very High)

Status: High-Income Developed Country

Belgium's strongly globalized economy and its transportation infrastructure are integrated with the rest of Europe. Its location at the heart of a highly industrialized region helps made it 2007 the world's 15th largest trading nation. The economy is characterized by a highly productive work force, high GNP and high exports per capita. Belgium's main imports are food products, machinery, rough diamonds, petroleum and petroleum products, chemicals, clothing and accessories, and textiles. Its main exports are automobiles, food products, iron and steel, finished diamonds, textiles, plastics, petroleum products and nonferrous metals. The Belgian economy is heavily service-oriented and shows a dual nature: a dynamic Flemish economy and a Walloon economy that lags behind.

One of the most dynamic nations in the world which is made up of different centers of cultural heritage, Belgians (Flemish or Walloons) both have contributed much to the development of Belgium into a major global power and importance despite its small land area and small consumer economy.

6. Sweden

Location: Scandinavia (Northern Europe)

Pop: 9.2 million

Languages: Swedish

GDP per capita (PPP): $ 37,333

GDP (PPP): $ 342.6 Billion

Currency: Swedish Krona

HDI: 0.963 (Very High)

Status: High-Income Developed Country

Sweden is northern European nation ranking high in terms of economic power and services featuring a modern distribution system, excellent internal and external communications, and a skilled labor force. Timber, hydropower, and iron are the main pillars of the Swedish economy ever since. It constitutes the resource base of an economy heavily oriented toward foreign trade. Sweden’s engineering sector accounts for 50% of output and exports. Telecommunications, the automotive industry and the pharmaceutical industries are also of great importance. Agriculture accounts for 2 percent of GDP and employment.

Like its close neighbors, Sweden’s economy is highly developed and even richer than the rest of Europe. Its system is highly integrated to the rest of the world and its people experience one of the highest standard of living. Sweden shares the same cultural heritage to its Scandinavian neighbors and maintains close ties with them.

7. Switzerland

Location: Western Europe

Pop: 7.7 million

Languages: German, French, Italian, Romansh

GDP per capita (PPP): $ 43,195

GDP (PPP): $ 315.7 Billion

Currency: Swiss Franc

HDI: 0.960 (Very High)

Status: High-Income Developed Country

Switzerland has a stable, modern and one of the most capitalist economies in the world. It has the 2nd highest European rating after Ireland in the Index of Economic Freedom 2008, while also providing large coverage through public services. The nominal per capita GDP is higher than those of the larger western European economies and Japan, ranking 6th behind Luxembourg, Norway, Qatar, Iceland and Ireland.

This alpine country maintains close neutral ties to the rest of the world. Its banking sector is one of the most diverse and holds one of the biggest reserves in the world. Despite its neutrality, Switzerland’s prosperity compares to powerful developed countries in the rest of Europe and North America. It exports different technology products and luxury goods accounting more than half its GDP and generates most of the country’s jobs.

8. Singapore

Location: South East Asia

Pop: 4.9 million

Languages: English, Chinese, Malay, Tamil

GDP per capita (PPP): $ 56,226

GDP (PPP): $ 239.1 Billion

Currency: Singapore Dollar

HDI: 0.944 (Very High)

Status: High-Income Developed Country

A small island country in the southern tip of the Malay Peninsula is one of the most successful countries in the world. Its outstanding policies are both strict and highly implemented. With high levels of state interaction to the economy, this island country industrialized and prospered despite its very limited natural resources and land area. Its key resource is its hardworking disciplined society closely anchored to Western ties but uniquely Asia.

Since independence, Singapore's standard of living has risen dramatically. Foreign Direct Investment and a state-led drive to industrialization based on plans drawn up by the Dutch economist Albert Winsemius have created a modern economy focused on industry, education and urban planning. Singapore is the 5th wealthiest country in the world in terms of GDP per capita(PPP). In December 2008, the foreign exchange reserves of this small island nation stood at around US$174.2billion.

Because of its limited land area, Singapore highly utilized its land and used it properly. Land reclamations were ubiquitous using every land available of use for different improvement projects. High rises were built in residential areas and in the Central Business District to cope up with the need of space. Singapore today resembles a highly developed country focusing on Industry, Education, and Urban Planning. Despite its limited resources, it maintained a high standard of living through global trade. Since its forced separation to Malaysia, Singapore’s GDP expanded and almost leveled to that of Malaysia.

9. Norway

Location: Scandinavia (Northern Europe)

Pop: 4.8 million

Languages: Norwegian

GDP per capita (PPP): $ 53,737

GDP (PPP): $ 257.2 Billion

Currency: Norwegian Krone

HDI: 0.971 (Very High)

Status: High-Income Developed Country

Norwegians enjoy the second highest GDP per capita (after Luxembourg) and third highest GDP (PPP) per-capita in the world. Norway maintained first place in the world in the UNDP Human Development Index (HDI) for six consecutive years (2001–2006).

A Scandinavian nation, this northern European nation shares close ties to its neighbors. It shares the same cultural heritage to its Scandinavian and Nordic neighbors. Because of its small population and a very high income due to its mixed economy and a large share of natural resources in northern Europe, Its people are one of the well fed in the world. Its standard of living is relatively high compared to its developed neighbors and its engagement to technology is higher than ever.

10. South Korea

Location: East Asia

Pop: 48.4 million

Languages: Korean

GDP per capita (PPP): $ 27,692

GDP (PPP): $ 1.3 Trillion

Currency: South Korean Won

HDI: 0.937 (Very High)

Status: High-Income Developed Country

One of the four Asian Tigers, this country is a late comer in developed status but has been one of the most successful industrial nations in history. Hard work and determination has been the key role in South Korea’s transformation to a developed high-income OECD member. Its people are highly oriented westernly and have developed a high standard of living throughout South Korea’s transformation from a poor developing nation to a developed one. Its government has made successful efforts in policy-making to continue its economic expansion internationally due to the country’s limited national resources.

Despite its limited national resources, its war laden historical background, and its large population to feed, South Korea was able to raise its GDP per capita almost equal to the lower ranks in the developed countries of the world. Focusing in labor intensive production in the first stages of its economic transformation, South Korea now has one of the biggest technology and knowledge economy in the world. Its Chaebols (conglomerates) are known worldwide and has one of the biggest reserves in the world and ranks high in terms of investment for improvement.

Lately, South Korea is not only famous in its success but also in its cultural expansion to the rest of Asia and the world. Known and the “Korean Wave”, the Korean culture has been famous and uniquely fashionable in less developed Asian countries like Malaysia, Indonesia, Philippines, and Thailand and has been trying to enter though largely unnoticed by the western society.

Gradual Shift

I was thinking and brainstorming around some thoughts these past days, I'm really puzzled and deeply hurt by how some people reacted on me. I think and talk differently with the close crowd of self-enthusiasts around me and though sometimes I act out-of-this-world, I'm still happy that there are still a few who understands me. I call them my friends of the century. Why century? I think I never had friends as close as what I have now. As a result of further orientation to my unique college life, I obtain a lot of good friends who never failed to listen to me and besides who said I'm serious with talking to them. We just laugh at each other, chill-out and we know that we would never notice that the day is over.

In the past months and even years, I was a dreaming of and finding the right place where I really belong. I envy those who are happy with what they already have. They obtain good friends with them and highly-prized GFs or BFs. I never knew my right place on this world, I am a wanderer a Bedouin who seeks for happiness and continues on his long journey even though there is no assurance of what he is looking for-Happiness.

The semester has ended, I wont say it is fast and I wont say it is terribly long. I don't remember anything. What is left inside this mind are the good memories, unforgettable ones who lets me remember how friends has oriented me in my new world. I can still recall their lectures and never ending arguments in a humorous way, it was a long and happy journey. I know that we're never perfect, with them I learn and they learn new things from me too.

I think this short period of time taught me how to be myself, not to look backward with the past, forget everything and orient yourself to the future. My/Our future is undeniably diverse depending on each of our skills and efforts to make it a real one. I realized, It's now that really matters... and yesterdays are history that should be well kept in a book.

a long lost love

Suppose I wont tell this one to anybody, but since nobody's reading my blog and suggesting the fact that this is online and someday the person to whom I address this post will read this someday.

I have a lot of lifetime regrets in life. One of which is losing someone which is very important to me. I was high school that time, childish and doesn't care on anything except for my own good. I was selfish at that time until I met a person. The person in which I refer to taught me how to love others and how to love her too. At first I disregarded my feelings of her, I find it childish to open to someone for changes. I thought that feelings will change soon, as what always happen.

What shocked me that very moment is when after months and finally a year of waiting, my feelings didn't change. Instead it deepened into deeper thought and a dilemma I need to face. I was so in love with her, I couldn't find any other person in my mind but her. I was thinking the whole summer about her and when will I meet her again. I want to kill others every time they tease her to another guy. Though the feeling is generally ironic, it's true and definitely I can still recall.

My last year of high school was the destabilizing year, it slowed and finally came into a halt. It was lost and there came the silence and age of new growth for new opportunities. I was engaged in a harder fought in life as I refer to it as the last frontier of my high school life, I say "after this, everything is finished and I'm off". I was engaged in a long battle of what seems to be a never ending academic battle in which later I realized I was lost, but the investments are still there and are still paying off until now. That time I totally forgot my feelings on her.

Yesterday, today, tomorrow, NOW... I see no point of hooking with her again, I see no reason and I think each of us has new lives that we live. We are totally different, I study here and she strives there. We're separated and it seems two worlds apart. I'm not looking for her and I'm not asking for her, she's in new relationship now and I don't think I have the right to be jealous nor to envy someone. I'm happy and I think that's all I know as of this time.

Philippines Today

I wonder why certain things happen just without any reason. Should we live it as it is or do something to help it, since it happens without reason I think the most practical answer would be to leave it as it is. Though some still effort to make a change even though things are difficult, believe it or not some things just take too much time and wasted a lot of a concerned citizen's effort just to change even just a bit-take note, just a bit!

Let me show to you how my country has diversified its history in just small span of time, way back forty years ago the Philippines was the leader worldwide in economic and social advancement. I know it sounds ubiquitous that it is actually before and now it is different, believe it or not how it advanced before has no reason at all too. The political system is the same, the people before even have smaller perspective than now, and technology before is even very very very backward.

A lot of foreigners are investing our lands, utilizing the advance technology of that time found in here. Many Malaysians, Singaporeans, Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, Koreans, and even whites from America went to our country to study and try to copy as far as possible the entire make-up of whatever they are observing in here. They learned something and when they come back to their motherlands they enjoy as geniuses working in a research firm for development.

I still remembered my classmate before, she was descended from her Korean grandfather and Filipina grandmother who immigrated in here in search for better life. It was evident in how "Lee" is engraved in her birth certificate, showing how good before was.

Fast forward to present, I don't know what actually happened, but we passed through several unstable conditions starting from military dictatorship of a not so cool leader to the second major protest against a president accused for plunder. Instead of maintaining a growth fast enough to cope up with fast overtaking tigers of the region. We were overtaken unnoticed and left behind just like a dog tied in a post, if only it can run freely it could have overtaken the slow tortoises.

I was very alarmed about how our country literally asked for help to developed countries as aid because of heavy flooding in the capital. Manila is far from where I live now and I think its none of our business as southerners to care of what is happening in the north when we're actually not affected by it. However, because of the very alarming news of the media right back to the capital, I think it is already 'cool' to join in.

It can be called as the series of unfortunate events. The first one brought heavy rainfall in the capital submerging almost eighty percent of the city, equal to the wrath bought by Katrina when it pass through the city of New Orleans in the United States. Some of the levees are actually so weak that even on the first hour of the rain some parts of the metropolis are already submerged in waist deep level. When the rains intensified nobody was prepared enough, there were no water, electricity, and even food by some. Since it happened in the afternoon, some are still even in school unable to go home because the streets actually turned into rivers of mud.

Heavy flooding has caused this supposed to be busy Tagalog metropolitan area useless. I can just imagine how much money is lost just in that single day. Some cities which are actually in border or may be passed by major rivers received the most damage. The cities of Marikina, Pasig, Mandaluyong, Manila, and even the business oriented Makati didn't survive. Marikina was entirely submerged, meaning the whole city itself in no longer passable due to heavy waters in its streets tracing its origin from the Marikina River.

The poorest of the poor and devastated maybe the Makati itself. For the purpose of multinationals reading this post who doesn't know what Makati is, it is the CBD of the entire Philippines. Owing its skyscraper filled skyline as a pride of its global competitiveness, Makati is considered to be 'too big to fail'. The actual area of the CBD was flooded, business stopped, and even executives can't go home and are worried.


At that single day its like the entire Philippines stopped in motion. Unfortunately it was followed by another strong storm which stayed in the Philippines for almost one week. It caused heavier flooding in the rural areas and even landslides which made a city isolated. The famous city of pines or Baguio City is entirely isolated as three roads to exit the city became impassable.

All in all, only 770 died ONLY.

I don't know what is happening right now or maybe we're cursed by god but only one thing is for sure. In a country that never changes like the Philippines, I wonder if I'll still call it as home.

Out for Cafe

I'm not supposed to post something within these days, however the days are getting so boring that going out of the dorm and having a quick lunch in the cafe is the only escape. Cafe or what I mean is the Internet Cafe:D The lunch thing is actually literal, it is common for students at my age who prefer to be in front of the computer rather that have a 'real' lunch.

I didn't realize that I'm going somewhere related to crowded places like this, but since I don't have a choice... but to stay. Yesterday, I heard a bad news related to our incoming semestral vacation. It's very short! 2 weeks only and counting. Our batch president said that if we can't get out of the dorm the faster the better, our semestral vacation will be lessened further. I really hate it and I feel repressed.

Tomorrow is our Finals, I don't feel any pressure at all. Not to brag but I think preparing for it will only make me an out of place geek trying to fit in where in fact he's only making his life a lot more messier. I'm looking forward for an amazing trip back home again tomorrow.

Free Day

Today is Saturday, as it should be... there's no classes and I'm totally out of the spooky dormitory's aura. I couldn't help but see myself as a free-caged bird every time I see myself walking freely and without worries, free-caged bird? does it read grammatically wrong? Well, actually being free but still minding that I'm going back tomorrow or any day maybe is a very big thing. Sometimes, I think its just better to make things as it is, live the days as it is and yes! tomorrow is another day. hmmppfff.

The week is okay, well, it's slow at the actual time but going back to the days, it's very fast. Maybe its because the dorm master of the dormitory decided to cut off the MWF calisthenics. Exercises makes my days so long, not because I don't want to do it but because just because for a reason I don't know. Adjusting is difficult and even until now, how I wish it can be fast forwarded.

Last Monday our computer teacher mentioned about things related to radical and rational thinking. I actually hate it very much, even on the time he reasoned out. I don't see his point and instead of teaching us how to think right, he's actually a good example of what he is referring to as "radical" person. I just find him stupid and I think that's all.

The rest of the week was mainly "waiting week", waiting for Friday I think. Fridays are days that we can go home. I've always counted the days before Fridays ever since we're allowed to go home. Some of my dorm mates refused to get a shore leave, I find it stupid for they are only making their life in the dorm difficult. It's their life and decision anyways and who am I to order them to go home and linger?

Last Friday night, I went home together with my sister. I let her wait for at least two hours, I think it's partly my fault and partly not. Going out of the dorm takes a bit of determination, It's difficult to ask to persons who don't care about your welfare in reality. Anyways, it was fulfilled and I arrived at our rendezvous already 1930H. It's really late during these hours, it's dumb if you'll trust the road these days. There are a lot of evil spirited brains, maybe they don't go to school or in dilemma.

I arrived in our house in Lapu-lapu City already 2100H, very late! I think nothing has changed, it's the same as what I've seen when I first came home. The standard of living hasn't changed and never has it arrived to my mind that it will be better. Improved a bit I think, but practically speaking nothing has changed. T.T

High 101-August 21, 2009

August 21, 2009/around 1500H
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The leaves are light, swaying through the smooth push of the wind. The trees are bowing, curling themselves and waiting for the sun's light to set down. The day is hotter than yesterday, we never experienced rain since morning-I wonder why is that so. The mirage formed above a building's roof few yards away is like a chemical's smoke corrosive enough to form such image. It's hot, definitely indicating how a thirteen-hundred hours in the Philippines is.

Let me start my post for now, It's been fifty years since I've last posted in this blog. I have a lot of things to say but for your information this is written first in a sheet of yellow pad, so I can't promise the detail of everything. I wish I could directly type what I am thinking right now but I just can't, for the reason that I'd explain further later.

I've been gone for almost two months now, away from home, civilization, friends, and family. Although I'm only a kilometer away from those, I feel like I'm a hundred miles separated by land or by sea. The college dormitory life has just made it a lot more further than ever. I never experienced this kind of separateness before.

As I imagine the "me" two months ago, I feel a slight regret but usually supplemented by advance positive thinking. Even this pen can tell how opposite I am to the path I've entered in this life. Though I wish I could choose but choosing wont be a good idea right now, priorities ought to be priorities. I just want my parents to be proud of me.

The military rule implemented by the dorm on the scholars is hell, it gives goosebumps on every innocent civilian entering the dorm. Visitors, we term as tourists actually don't have any idea on how we live and laugh on our quarters. We laugh when we laugh, we hate when we hate. Tomorrow is another day, so stay calm and do what is needed for today. Life inside the dorm is just as tiring as bringing a bucket of water up and down a hill over and over again, you feel tired but since you don't have any choice you're obliged to do so.

Yesterday, my quarter mates mentioned about a Philippine song focused about a bird compared to a free country. Well, in our conversation they compared it to us, the scholars, who don't have the right. I just can't describe a poor caged broken bird, it hurts so I think there's no need to explain. To make our situation positive though it is not, another interpretation to our situation right now is that we are birds unable to fly and is fed up by our mother birds.

Mother birds are usually good sacrificing creatures for their young, however in our situation right now I think it is not. Our "mother birds" are assholes who think that they are always right. The mammals who don't have the right are treated as brainless insects meant to be crushed down.

I wonder how relaxing it is to taste freedom. Counting the days wont help I've almost memorized it on my hand-made calendar, every cross mark in those days that passed is like heaven for me. Every single day has hard work associated with it and it takes so hard to push through each day when you are forced to do so. It's still thirty-five days and thirty-six nights, chance is if it wont be extended the days are faster now compared to the past weeks. Maybe it's because the caged bird slowly got used to his situation.

to be continued...

Weirdness #2

Like I mentioned yesterday, there's a weird call right? and the call said that we'll go and report to my new university and start as soon as I can. The credentials needed were unfortunately left in my enrolled school, the University of the Philippines, and I don't know if getting it back will be easy. I think I'll require a lot of work to be done and as always the university itself is very strict in handling people-for the reason that I really don't know. But, I think I'll do my last decision tomorrow and that is giving up something and again and again venturing into something new and highly advanced. I don't call my university stupid, but there's gotta be something that needs to be sacrificed in order to have something.

Tomorrow is scheduled for my supposed to be last and totally last check-up and then go, I'll be a certified student in a new university. My new university is a university specialized in a course that will really straighten me out. The training both mind and body will really give you big improvements and I know that I'll be easy for as long as I'm already used with it. I wonder how long will I go or how long will I drive with this kind of decision I have. I can't change my decision and I know that once a saying said that "one can't see the wide seas without going through rough seas" so I think that will make the answer to the questions.

I can't help but imagine how many things I've left behind just for this decision I've decided last night. I have new friends already, I have new teachers whom I always thought of nice, and lastly my heart already belongs to the UPian society. But, look at the bright side and literally a bright future. No one can be as good as they want to be if they are not versatile enough to go with different challenges. Everyday is filled with surprises and weird stuffs circulating around me, one may hit and affect me while the others may just pass and to be real-I really don't care for those.

For now, I'm so puzzled, I still don't know how will I become months, years, and moments from now. I don't know if my decisions will continue well or might just be ignored again by stupid surprises. I always say life is weird and when it strikes its weirdness again, one can just simply sit and wait for a moment to respond how it strikes you with different challenges. For now, I still don't know if my decision will work. I think it's the best I can do for now, the only best thing I can do for now... I study because it's the best and the only good thing I can do for now.

God loves surprises

The days just passed the same way as it should be. The deeper I get into the UPian society the more integrated I am with my original placement in the place where I originally belong. As days passed, I slowly felt home and comfortable with my so called "cultural shocking" school. Though I agree that I really don't like to be with people which are so motivated or over-motivated to push through and feeling like I don't have a choice has finally made me into someone versatile to everyday changes.

Everyday is like a challenge for me, I laugh, I observe weirdness, and most of the time I feel different. This is maybe due to major differences with every person I meet time by time and who knows that sooner or later I'll be venturing into something new. That is if god wants me too.

Last hour, my dad informed me of a very weird and eye-popping news, a call was received saying that I might be transferring to another school which is very very weird. Can you just imagine it, after looking so forward for days... here I am venturing into a new turning point in my life. Just one wrong turn and I'll be trapped in a dead end with nothing to do but go back where I came from. I was surprised and like I said before, I really hate surprises and for that... LIFE IS REALLY WEIRD, why do god always give me surprises when I don't want to have something that will only make me a lot more frustrated.:(

But for now, I'd like to share my little creations with you... these group of art are my firsts in UP IT lectures and labworks.

Saturday

Probably, of all the days of the week, Saturday or SATURDAY is the most exciting and the most awaited day of all. The main reason is "NO CLASSES", though that thought was plainly a high school's lazy freak, I think It's still in effect right now. Not all, but being in UP will bring you to big free times especially during Wednesdays and Weekends, So look at the bright side. haha

I wont say anything about my experiences in my first day of classes, though it's still good for now, I'm still searching and expecting for something like makabuang or what. I'm weird but I think it's the best thing I can do for now, I don't wanna be like an idiot expecting for nothing when I'm stupidly studying in a "school for the future". So, for now everything is normal but a bit lesser than I expected. I've heard a lot of comments from my friends about their "adjustment" period of college, most are a bit culture socked and I wont comment about it, they haven't gone to UP yet and maybe if they've tried it they'll be like walking zombies if they are that ignorant. Haha, I'm not being rude but I think thinking the worst possibilities will protect me from being extremely hurt by surprises, I hate surprises and I don't know why life always give me some.

I was so bothered about what my older brother mentioned last morning, he said he'll use HIS bag next week. It's a normal bag and I don't hold it if he'll really use it, It's not my property anyways and I'm not holding something as it is, the bag was not good and yes I wont be subject for a quarrel with him just for that small little thing. The big thing on this so-called issue was that I don't have any bag anymore. whaaaa!

Way back in high school, we have uniform bags, can you believe this one? uniform bags? haha. but yes it really is. Our bags our uniform to promote equality among everyone and I think it's so stupid cause we can no longer push through the value of equality in "material things" these days. Though I really don't like my alma matter's idea of uniformity in everything, I've spent 4 straight years already there and I think everything was ought too be so cool.

I was imagining my self using the "STEC bag" in college, it's too big and I think you can put one week supply of clothes in it. Imagine if I'll put my single binder and a bit of books there? I'm like a lost child from the mountains with that bag... Omg. On the other side of the story, the bag that I've been using for the first day of school was my brother's college bag, he somewhat abandoned it a bit and I think it's my oppurtunity at first. So, I've washed the bag and finally put some finishing touches with it and fixed some of its minor injuries probably from mishandling.

I find my older brother always unfair as usual. I'm very jealous with him and yes not only in material things but in everything, ranging from oppurtunities, his glorious past, and everything. Being the middle child of this very big family is already a curse for me. My older brother is the eldest so it's already expected that he got everything he wants and can choose rightly his decisions. He is really different from the "eldest" people I know and I've met. Most of them are very crucial and sacrificed a lot just for their family and their siblings. One of my classmates before, She's a girl but she went to a Maritime school just for the money she'll have after pursuing such course. She once told me how difficult it is to be the eldest she even said "Maypa dugai nlng ko gipanganak para murag akong mga manghud free na sila na mupili sa ilang mga gusto, ug usa pa na mangayo nalang ko sa tanan". That statement really hit me, not because I'm the eldest but yes I feel like the eldest.

Though I'm not the eldest in this family, being the middle child is the most stupid thing one can encounter and I think in the near future everything wont be the same anymore. Naturally the first one gets the worm, everyone will follow, the last one usually gets the smallest amout but naturally one thing is wrong with this thought, they did not mind that not all things in the first sight is everything that is left... there should be one left and the last one can luckily eat those worms without hassle for the rest of the clan is already bloated.

Of all us 5, my eldest brother has the best childhood experiences and he even brag it with my younger brother and sister. He has the best educational experiences and spent most of it in private high schools. He even made mom and dad very proud of him and I never heard them scolded him so hard just like they did with me and my older sister Janine. He studied in an expensive and glamorous school while me and my sister strives hard just to continue studying and of course since one is seeking for the cheapest, where? but here in state colleges with dilapidated facilities.

Back to my bag, I think I can no longer hold it longer and though how much I want my first things to last, I think to move on you need to give off many things for the good of everyone. It was a very huge step and a journey, the first week of college life is probably one of my biggest leap ever, and I think though there were more leaps sooner I think my first would be more memorable if I still have my bag. It was so much fun, and when times that I feel alone I search for things on my bag while I was sitting like an autistic loner in campus. Although it was only one week, I think my bag already saw my new friends and I really hope so that one would emerge as my real best friend.

He[my bag] saw my first instructors, most of them look cruel but I always think that learning from them is already a very big thing and I think their sacrifices is always good as expected. He's been one of my contributors of confidence while walking proudly in the school campus of the intelligent people. Everything was really good and I'll never forget my first week and for now I need to give it off.

But, it's not a problem... there are lots and lots of surprises soon. Guess what? I've recovered from this surprise for just one whole minute! can you believe it? I think I'm improving:)