WHAT IF

Hi Blog(as if I'm talking to someone) o.0... I was thinking a lot about what ifs, what if I'm born with a gold spoon? what if I'm born with extraordinary luck? what if I'm born to Hollywood Star parents? what if my dad is as rich as Bill Gates and as good as the top Philanthropist of America? Well, I know I'm lucky enough today if that what if is in the opposite(you know what I mean), but enough of the Africa thing and I think I'm very unlucky enough in current standing that I could no longer think of anything more worse I can handle as of the moment.

When I was young and of course materialistically driven by wants(e.g toys, etc.), my parents always told me that I/we should be contented in what we have. Plus Besides we can do nothing about it for the mean time, just forget that insecurity actually exist(just for the mean time).

Now, my what ifs no longer linger upon materialistic wants but towards freeing myself on things and situations that serves as encumbrance on my peace of mind. Despite being relatively free of academic stress compared before, my mind has never been this overused and I'm filled with anxiety all over the place.

All the time I'm wishing that at one long night I can dream that I'll be in a place where all my worries are gone and I will be in a paradise heaven-like at least. Well, I wont say that I'm ready to die but actually the truth is we have no control of our life and I'm confident that if the judgment day comes I'll be with Jesus my king. I believe that one day my time will come that I'll be very much happy but at this time it seems distant as much as the nearest galaxy to earth.

Real happiness differs towards how we perceive it. One may be happy with their loved ones, the money they worked hard for, or the acceptance they've been longing for. I can imagine myself being rich, or being with all my friends, or being a Hollywood superstar admired by many. I can assert that I can never be happy. Perhaps being in control of everything like a CEO of a billion dollar company, you can be as what you want to be but the responsibility and reputation on stake is mind-bogging. Or rather being a Hollywood superstar owning everything from luxury cars to palace-like homes in Beverly can be ideal, yet no one knows why Britney chose the path she has now.

Or last being with friends... next to God and family, friends or colleagues as I call them are my most important refuge. But the sad thing about it is that though I have many real friends I do not usually share everything to them. We share moments of laughter but when the challenge is there I chose to have it solo. I have a lot of experience regarding problems but other than lame advices I think it'll be better if I have those alone.x.x

anyways, no worry, being a strong Christian... God is with me and I'm never afraid of anything other than being in hell. ;0