a slight glimpse of light

I've seen a bit of light regarding my situation for the past week-days-month and until now, however the light and the chance of leading it to complete recovery is still fragile. I think it's just merely and largely a slight bounce of my deep downfall or worse it may just halted a bit and will probably continue on it's course(I really really hope not). er, whatever I really don't know and as of this moment I don't want to think of anything that is about the future. As what I've learned in the book the "Harry Potter" and as I remember one of the last lines in book 4, "whatever happens, good or the worst, it'll happen and when it does we have no choice but to face it."

I know tomorrow is a dreadful thing to consider but I think God is only shaking me up for me to realize that I should not be overdependent on the temporary strings that attach me rigid to my comfort zones. Though He's not completely removing it for my sake, I still need it as for now, probably and maybe He's just letting me realize what it feels like and how the hell will it surprise me overwhelmingly. Tomorrow is tomorrow and maybe the good thing about my situation right now is that hopefully in the future I wont be so shocked or something(I really hope I won't).

Uncommon it is, sadly I'm not going on with my reforms anytime sooner. I think I just have to observe people, things, and happenings as of now. I think I've learned a bit of all the lessons it should have taught me. As of now, I wont be back to my normal self and regarding how and until when will I be like this, I really don't know. I'm still in the state of depression or economically saying I'm in deep recession right now. I'm thinking the economy of United States can recover first before I would. haha. JK.

I was really startled last night. I was in deep thinking(depression) and I ignored a lot of chat messages from my friends until an ex-classmate poped-out suddenly. Of course I was startled and I didn't expect I'd read Dodette Marei. Well, we chatted and maybe or probably God has planned it to stop my deep dilemma last night. haha. Does it make sense? lol.

Anyways, praise the LORD, He's always good! I swear!:D

I'm Crazy

Hi Blogger, what's happening to me? I'm feeling really bad and I think the last time I've felt like this was a couple of months ago but that was short-lived. I'm on complete vacation(4-day no class) and it seems that nothings helping me. I really like to have refuge, a holy place like a monastery or something serene which I can stay, relax, pray, and forget all my problems. I really wanna talk to Him, the thing is maybe I just can't realize His plans for me as of now. I get some help with others but those we're slight and nothings really helping, I don't want to share so much with my dilemmas.

Ok, I'm going to sleep. gud nyt.
Pray,Pray,Pray:D

despair, pls get away from me!

Hi Blogger, I noticed something on this blog recently. All my posts are bad and for good news I have new and a more worse one. Today(thursday), tomorrow, and the weekend is our long vacation for the first time since summer. Rarely it happens that a holiday in two consecutive days is granted for lazy rest-thirsty students like me or us maybe. However, that is not the issue... I arrived home hours ago with something heavily bothering my mind. For some standards by the time when I feel carefree, I think I'm not myself. At some time I was thinking of going to sleep to avoid depression and worse I was thinking of some suicidal thoughts, but hell no! I am a very strong Christian and I strongly believe that for even escaping the mortal life how the hell will I face our creator by the time I would know I did something unacceptable. Jesus Christ died for us, does it make sense if we end our saved soul just for earthly problems? Anyways before I go with religion I have a very good news I wanna tell you. At least for me, the world is changing and god has never been this close to me.*I'll make a separate post regarding my proud worship life.

What has been bothering me the few days has never been new, rude reality and vast uncertainties that await me... I feel like I don't want tomorrow to come fast. Being a firm believer I do believe that my faith has been tested and I strongly agree though I put my faith separate and I'm aware how it strengthened the past times. I've read a lot and talked to invisible people in the internet regarding my situation and they say I'm a kind of a deep thinker and my overreaction to current events is a result of over thinking and over seeing possible future outcomes. The same suggestions, don't think too much and relax for God has already made it easy for you. The problem is it's just so hard for me to, and I've been trying to relax my mind a bit to a point of falling asleep thinking and having nightmares. I really need help. But anyways it's ok... my faith is still very strong.

Anyways for real good news, I had a very good time with my pals in the dorm lately. I never felt this way before. All things are going well and for the first time I had super real good friends. However, I'm practicing to be without them sometimes. I know that they're not there always and as for experience time comes they wont be there even if I really need them.:)

I'm really unlucky, I lost my web on mobile and as a result I can no longer post via mobile.x(