Gradual Shift

I was thinking and brainstorming around some thoughts these past days, I'm really puzzled and deeply hurt by how some people reacted on me. I think and talk differently with the close crowd of self-enthusiasts around me and though sometimes I act out-of-this-world, I'm still happy that there are still a few who understands me. I call them my friends of the century. Why century? I think I never had friends as close as what I have now. As a result of further orientation to my unique college life, I obtain a lot of good friends who never failed to listen to me and besides who said I'm serious with talking to them. We just laugh at each other, chill-out and we know that we would never notice that the day is over.

In the past months and even years, I was a dreaming of and finding the right place where I really belong. I envy those who are happy with what they already have. They obtain good friends with them and highly-prized GFs or BFs. I never knew my right place on this world, I am a wanderer a Bedouin who seeks for happiness and continues on his long journey even though there is no assurance of what he is looking for-Happiness.

The semester has ended, I wont say it is fast and I wont say it is terribly long. I don't remember anything. What is left inside this mind are the good memories, unforgettable ones who lets me remember how friends has oriented me in my new world. I can still recall their lectures and never ending arguments in a humorous way, it was a long and happy journey. I know that we're never perfect, with them I learn and they learn new things from me too.

I think this short period of time taught me how to be myself, not to look backward with the past, forget everything and orient yourself to the future. My/Our future is undeniably diverse depending on each of our skills and efforts to make it a real one. I realized, It's now that really matters... and yesterdays are history that should be well kept in a book.

a long lost love

Suppose I wont tell this one to anybody, but since nobody's reading my blog and suggesting the fact that this is online and someday the person to whom I address this post will read this someday.

I have a lot of lifetime regrets in life. One of which is losing someone which is very important to me. I was high school that time, childish and doesn't care on anything except for my own good. I was selfish at that time until I met a person. The person in which I refer to taught me how to love others and how to love her too. At first I disregarded my feelings of her, I find it childish to open to someone for changes. I thought that feelings will change soon, as what always happen.

What shocked me that very moment is when after months and finally a year of waiting, my feelings didn't change. Instead it deepened into deeper thought and a dilemma I need to face. I was so in love with her, I couldn't find any other person in my mind but her. I was thinking the whole summer about her and when will I meet her again. I want to kill others every time they tease her to another guy. Though the feeling is generally ironic, it's true and definitely I can still recall.

My last year of high school was the destabilizing year, it slowed and finally came into a halt. It was lost and there came the silence and age of new growth for new opportunities. I was engaged in a harder fought in life as I refer to it as the last frontier of my high school life, I say "after this, everything is finished and I'm off". I was engaged in a long battle of what seems to be a never ending academic battle in which later I realized I was lost, but the investments are still there and are still paying off until now. That time I totally forgot my feelings on her.

Yesterday, today, tomorrow, NOW... I see no point of hooking with her again, I see no reason and I think each of us has new lives that we live. We are totally different, I study here and she strives there. We're separated and it seems two worlds apart. I'm not looking for her and I'm not asking for her, she's in new relationship now and I don't think I have the right to be jealous nor to envy someone. I'm happy and I think that's all I know as of this time.

Philippines Today

I wonder why certain things happen just without any reason. Should we live it as it is or do something to help it, since it happens without reason I think the most practical answer would be to leave it as it is. Though some still effort to make a change even though things are difficult, believe it or not some things just take too much time and wasted a lot of a concerned citizen's effort just to change even just a bit-take note, just a bit!

Let me show to you how my country has diversified its history in just small span of time, way back forty years ago the Philippines was the leader worldwide in economic and social advancement. I know it sounds ubiquitous that it is actually before and now it is different, believe it or not how it advanced before has no reason at all too. The political system is the same, the people before even have smaller perspective than now, and technology before is even very very very backward.

A lot of foreigners are investing our lands, utilizing the advance technology of that time found in here. Many Malaysians, Singaporeans, Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, Koreans, and even whites from America went to our country to study and try to copy as far as possible the entire make-up of whatever they are observing in here. They learned something and when they come back to their motherlands they enjoy as geniuses working in a research firm for development.

I still remembered my classmate before, she was descended from her Korean grandfather and Filipina grandmother who immigrated in here in search for better life. It was evident in how "Lee" is engraved in her birth certificate, showing how good before was.

Fast forward to present, I don't know what actually happened, but we passed through several unstable conditions starting from military dictatorship of a not so cool leader to the second major protest against a president accused for plunder. Instead of maintaining a growth fast enough to cope up with fast overtaking tigers of the region. We were overtaken unnoticed and left behind just like a dog tied in a post, if only it can run freely it could have overtaken the slow tortoises.

I was very alarmed about how our country literally asked for help to developed countries as aid because of heavy flooding in the capital. Manila is far from where I live now and I think its none of our business as southerners to care of what is happening in the north when we're actually not affected by it. However, because of the very alarming news of the media right back to the capital, I think it is already 'cool' to join in.

It can be called as the series of unfortunate events. The first one brought heavy rainfall in the capital submerging almost eighty percent of the city, equal to the wrath bought by Katrina when it pass through the city of New Orleans in the United States. Some of the levees are actually so weak that even on the first hour of the rain some parts of the metropolis are already submerged in waist deep level. When the rains intensified nobody was prepared enough, there were no water, electricity, and even food by some. Since it happened in the afternoon, some are still even in school unable to go home because the streets actually turned into rivers of mud.

Heavy flooding has caused this supposed to be busy Tagalog metropolitan area useless. I can just imagine how much money is lost just in that single day. Some cities which are actually in border or may be passed by major rivers received the most damage. The cities of Marikina, Pasig, Mandaluyong, Manila, and even the business oriented Makati didn't survive. Marikina was entirely submerged, meaning the whole city itself in no longer passable due to heavy waters in its streets tracing its origin from the Marikina River.

The poorest of the poor and devastated maybe the Makati itself. For the purpose of multinationals reading this post who doesn't know what Makati is, it is the CBD of the entire Philippines. Owing its skyscraper filled skyline as a pride of its global competitiveness, Makati is considered to be 'too big to fail'. The actual area of the CBD was flooded, business stopped, and even executives can't go home and are worried.


At that single day its like the entire Philippines stopped in motion. Unfortunately it was followed by another strong storm which stayed in the Philippines for almost one week. It caused heavier flooding in the rural areas and even landslides which made a city isolated. The famous city of pines or Baguio City is entirely isolated as three roads to exit the city became impassable.

All in all, only 770 died ONLY.

I don't know what is happening right now or maybe we're cursed by god but only one thing is for sure. In a country that never changes like the Philippines, I wonder if I'll still call it as home.

Out for Cafe

I'm not supposed to post something within these days, however the days are getting so boring that going out of the dorm and having a quick lunch in the cafe is the only escape. Cafe or what I mean is the Internet Cafe:D The lunch thing is actually literal, it is common for students at my age who prefer to be in front of the computer rather that have a 'real' lunch.

I didn't realize that I'm going somewhere related to crowded places like this, but since I don't have a choice... but to stay. Yesterday, I heard a bad news related to our incoming semestral vacation. It's very short! 2 weeks only and counting. Our batch president said that if we can't get out of the dorm the faster the better, our semestral vacation will be lessened further. I really hate it and I feel repressed.

Tomorrow is our Finals, I don't feel any pressure at all. Not to brag but I think preparing for it will only make me an out of place geek trying to fit in where in fact he's only making his life a lot more messier. I'm looking forward for an amazing trip back home again tomorrow.

Free Day

Today is Saturday, as it should be... there's no classes and I'm totally out of the spooky dormitory's aura. I couldn't help but see myself as a free-caged bird every time I see myself walking freely and without worries, free-caged bird? does it read grammatically wrong? Well, actually being free but still minding that I'm going back tomorrow or any day maybe is a very big thing. Sometimes, I think its just better to make things as it is, live the days as it is and yes! tomorrow is another day. hmmppfff.

The week is okay, well, it's slow at the actual time but going back to the days, it's very fast. Maybe its because the dorm master of the dormitory decided to cut off the MWF calisthenics. Exercises makes my days so long, not because I don't want to do it but because just because for a reason I don't know. Adjusting is difficult and even until now, how I wish it can be fast forwarded.

Last Monday our computer teacher mentioned about things related to radical and rational thinking. I actually hate it very much, even on the time he reasoned out. I don't see his point and instead of teaching us how to think right, he's actually a good example of what he is referring to as "radical" person. I just find him stupid and I think that's all.

The rest of the week was mainly "waiting week", waiting for Friday I think. Fridays are days that we can go home. I've always counted the days before Fridays ever since we're allowed to go home. Some of my dorm mates refused to get a shore leave, I find it stupid for they are only making their life in the dorm difficult. It's their life and decision anyways and who am I to order them to go home and linger?

Last Friday night, I went home together with my sister. I let her wait for at least two hours, I think it's partly my fault and partly not. Going out of the dorm takes a bit of determination, It's difficult to ask to persons who don't care about your welfare in reality. Anyways, it was fulfilled and I arrived at our rendezvous already 1930H. It's really late during these hours, it's dumb if you'll trust the road these days. There are a lot of evil spirited brains, maybe they don't go to school or in dilemma.

I arrived in our house in Lapu-lapu City already 2100H, very late! I think nothing has changed, it's the same as what I've seen when I first came home. The standard of living hasn't changed and never has it arrived to my mind that it will be better. Improved a bit I think, but practically speaking nothing has changed. T.T